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    Fear

    The last few weeks have been a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Maybe it is the time of the year with the long dark nights and the grey days or maybe it is just me…

    Now that I cannot distract myself anymore with equipment choices or decisions about what I want to focus on (see my last blog post) I feel a bit lost and maybe even trapped…easy prey for the fear. It is that irrational fear, the fear that makes you wonder if you are really ‘good enough’ and not just a stupid dreamer…

    It is the fear that turns good things into nightmares, it is the BUT  and the What if  behind every success. It makes me freeze with terror, unable to get the things done I need to and want to do.

    What if the customers who just chose 2 of my pictures for their living room wall will not be happy with the final prints?

    What if the magazine is postponing my interview because they have changed their mind and would rather not publish it? Or even worse, what if their readers will not find it interesting at all?

    What if I am going to fail miserably at my presentation for the Connected 2018 exhibition? Yes, I can easily I imagine that all people are going to leave the room while I am talking…too much imagination can be quite destructive…

    What if the magazine that would like to feature my ‘Transcending’ project will be disappointed with my essay and decide to not feature it after all?

    It is the fear that tries to convince me that all my efforts are useless anyway, that my work is not good enough, not special enough. That no matter how many magazine features there will be, I am not getting any customers who will actually pay for my work. That no matter how much people like my pictures on Social Media, they only do that because they somehow like me or I liked some of their work – which by the way I only do when I really like something and without expecting anyone to like some of mine in exchange.

    It is the fear that gives me plenty of reasons why I should not even try to approach galleries or potential customers directly…from just being a nuisance and appearing desperate to the fact that my work probably only appeals to a small number of customers anyway.

    Today I feel completely paralyzed by this fear and my only hope is that by writing it down I will find a way out! Because who would work with someone who is paralyzed by fear… But what if it is a really bad idea to write about it publicly…

     

     

     

     

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